What You Are

I'm generally an optimist, but 2008 pretty much sucked ass. I lost a lot, mostly having to do with how I relate to myself and to my life. Sounds stupid, but it feels huge. I don't want to go into all the negativity here, but I will say that I need to re-establish what makes me tick.

It was also a year of completion. Mostly through the magic of social networking (!) I was able to get in contact with all of the people from my past who were so significant in helping me become the person I am today.

This year I've been in contact with all of my best friends and boyfriends from my youth. Even though we have all grown apart, there is still that common connection. We have different values, goals, responsibilities and stresses now, as creeping-up-on-middle-aged people, but the essence of who we were and why we were friends is pretty much still there.

As this was happening, I had the thought that when we know someone, the way we relate is completely unique to us. When you grow apart and are no longer in each others orbit, we still hold a little piece of that person in our mind. So, there are pieces of me out there in the minds and hearts of all the people I've known.

Life has gotten so complicated since way-back-when, disappointing and painful in its own way - it's just comforting to know that there are people out there who know who I really am without all these trappings. Being reunited with them is like putting the pieces of a puzzle together or sewing a quilt. Somehow, my fabric seems stronger.

I don't know why, but this really helps through all the loss. I feel better equipped to move forward. I don't need to be in their modern-day clubs, but just knowing where they are, where the pieces of me are, really helps me put it all back together.