Surrender, he says.
Good word.
Surrender is not just giving up, it's giving in. Giving yourself over to your fears, or giving up a fight or letting yourself be loved. Surrender is an active state.
It's not one I'm very good at. I like to be in control, you see. I am the boss of me. I don't know what will happen if I let you win, if I let you in. Will I be less of myself if I admit you're right, if I let you into my heart, if I let my guard down even a little bit?
Will you take advantage of me? Will you break down the walls that I've carefully constructed? Will you steal my soul, reveal my weaknesses?
So this leads to the real issue - faith. What do I believe in and where does my strength come from? If I am truly solid in myself, in my values, in my beliefs, then it doesn't matter what you do or don't do. It doesn't matter if I'm right, or in control, or if I'm caught with my pants down, my most private parts exposed.
If I have faith that I'll be alright, I will. If I can be strong enough in myself to be vulnerable too, I just might learn something. I just might know you more deeply and honestly. If I have the faith to surrender and my life is made richer by sharing it with you, won't that make me more of myself?
Isn't that the whole point?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Ah, yes, surrender, that huge bogeyman that we all face. True, we deny it as long as we can, but eventually, like you, we must come face to face. And don't they say that in the letting go, in the surrendering, we will find our way? I can tell by your writing that I did some things right way back then. You'll find your faith,your way, if you haven't already.
ReplyDelete