The other day I weighed in and I had lost .2 lbs. I felt that was a huge victory, considering I put very little effort into losing weight. Sure, I watch what I eat and occasionally walk down the block, but other than that I usually just indulge my anxious or emotional eating or whatever you call it, and usually I sleep in or putter around rather than exercise.
I have a conflict inside me that says I "should" be healthier and leaner, and it also says I "shouldn't" focus so much on the pressures of the perfect body. This has been going on since I was, oh, 13 or so, and I keep hoping the whole image thing will just right itself, but so far it hasn't.
It's all about the effort. The most obvious equation is effort=results. DUH. I feel ridiculous even writing that. This is fundamental. We learn it at birth. Somehow, I've gotten so complacent and lazy, that I expect things to just change even though I put forth very little effort. Magically, the pounds will just shed off and my (motivation for) meditation practice will just rev back up all on it's own. Just because I will it to. I shouldn't have to do anything, I work hard enough already!
Maybe I'm working too hard on the wrong things. Maybe this strange idea of "taking care of yourself" has some merit. I'll have to work on that. There we go again with the work! Maybe I need to relax into it, deeply understand the benefits and make it meaningful. Otherwise, I'll just go along the same slippery slope forever and die with a blobby body and a disturbed mind! I really don't want that. I was meant for better things than this. I'm pretty sure.
